








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 896 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 208 matches | ||
| Faceit | 48 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




71 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3534 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,260 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 293 | 9% |
| Smokes | 1256 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 845 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 866 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $302,408 of utility $43 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 372 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pedrito | 30 | 0.0174 |
| #2 | tralalero tralala | 28 | 0.0121 |
| #3 | MI BOMBOOO | 13 | 0.0071 |
| #4 | MAJSNEROS | 10 | 0.0118 |
| #5 | Pán Gerwant | 3 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pedrito | 138 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | tralalero tralala | 66 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #3 | MAJSNEROS | 60 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | MI BOMBOOO | 35 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Pán Gerwant | 21 | 0.03 | 0 min |





