








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 330 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
648 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,730 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1383 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1038 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1454 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 855 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $219,056 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 134 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | =DadLif3= Dixie_normous | 47% | 17 |
| #10 | double cheeseburger | 33% | 12 |
| #11 | swagg | 33% | 18 |
| #12 | SlapStik805 | 29% | 7 |
| #13 | =DadLife3=takoo | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AutisticMagic | 97 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #2 | ThotHammer | 42 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #3 | =DadLif3=bahylor | 36 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | =DadLif3= Dixie_normous | 33 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | InstaDeath | 32 | 0.05 | 1 min |





