








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 592 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 360 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 142 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




112 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3095 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,203 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2390 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2614 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3959 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 1240 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,011,759 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1329 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bernard Mcwronkle | 50% | 42 |
| #2 | Hubsie | 45% | 58 |
| #3 | _baIIsackinit_ | 41% | 407 |
| #4 | Sh1bby | 38% | 91 |
| #5 | TheBigHonky | 37% | 251 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _baIIsackinit_ | 124 | 0.0146 |
| #2 | TheBigHonky | 90 | 0.0174 |
| #3 | SCAG TurfTiger II 40HP 72"Deck | 81 | 0.0199 |
| #4 | Forehead | 12 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | Sh1bby | 8 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _baIIsackinit_ | 338 | 0.04 | 7 min |
| #2 | Sh1bby | 260 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | SCAG TurfTiger II 40HP 72"Deck | 194 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | TheBigHonky | 167 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #5 | Bernard Mcwronkle | 106 | 0.12 | 2 min |





