








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 460 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 572 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4689 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,881 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1516 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1721 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1849 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2795 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $232,305 of utility $18 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 336 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | mossie | 45% | 83 |
| #11 | Velma | 44% | 283 |
| #12 | Itsnatcap | 41% | 41 |
| #13 | N0M1N4L_ZA | 35% | 51 |
| #14 | jeaviehuggler216 | 28% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cappy_Capps | 23 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Velma | 17 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | mossie | 9 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | ...Β»G!ΓGβ¬R«©... WHO.*... | 6 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | Mr Swan | 4 | 0.0041 |





