








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 384 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 362 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4565 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,940 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3659 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4189 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4566 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4526 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,456,422 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 898 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝖛𝖗𝖎𝖑 | 55% | 132 |
| #2 | p250 sand dune | 54% | 70 |
| #3 | jabberdabber<3 | 52% | 104 |
| #4 | jarate | 50% | 375 |
| #5 | L | 49% | 296 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jarate | 39 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | L | 29 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | 𝖛𝖗𝖎𝖑 | 17 | 0.0066 |
| #4 | Goomba | 5 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | jabberdabber<3 | 4 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L | 1942 | 0.34 | 42 min |
| #2 | jarate | 977 | 0.13 | 26 min |
| #3 | 𝖛𝖗𝖎𝖑 | 231 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | jabberdabber<3 | 133 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | p250 sand dune | 101 | 0.08 | 2 min |





