








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1087 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,213 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1524 | 47% |
| Smokes | 808 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 580 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 301 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $177,801 of utility $58 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PocketRocket5 | 24 | 0.0118 |
| #2 | YUNG DAGGER DICK | 9 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Snax | 5 | 0.0111 |
| #4 | tom02m | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YUNG DAGGER DICK | 142 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | PocketRocket5 | 42 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #3 | tom02m | 36 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Snax | 28 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Strychnine | 18 | 0.14 | 0 min |





