








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
630 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,540 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 606 | 39% |
| Smokes | 275 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 415 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 244 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $122,405 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Abaddon | 38% | 8 |
| #6 | Rias Swaggery | 33% | 9 |
| #7 | HappyPowder | 20% | 5 |
| #8 | Phoebe | 20% | 5 |
| #9 | Arne Schlimmes | 0% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GoN | 6 | 0.0202 |
| #2 | C4rry | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Abaddon | 2 | 0.0124 |
| #4 | Phoebe | 1 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | C4rry | 107 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | GoN | 84 | 0.28 | 1 min |
| #3 | Abaddon | 26 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | HappyPowder | 21 | 0.20 | 0 min |
| #5 | Phoebe | 13 | 0.12 | 0 min |





