








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 245 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 134 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1163 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,857 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 249 | 13% |
| Smokes | 469 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 751 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 388 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,009,370 of utility $252 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 292 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | polyesterphlem | 57% | 21 |
| #2 | BoogaSugga | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | Faker | 50% | 12 |
| #4 | Lardish | 48% | 23 |
| #5 | Twisteez_ | 45% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cruzy | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | polyesterphlem | 4 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | Faker | 2 | 0.0077 |





