








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 438 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 172 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1713 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,473 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1058 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1933 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3222 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 3260 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $359,382 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 291 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LGBTQ+ is Pathetic | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | mafga | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LGBTQ+ is Pathetic | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | mafga | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mafga | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | LGBTQ+ is Pathetic | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mafga | 91 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #2 | LGBTQ+ is Pathetic | 49 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LGBTQ+ is Pathetic | +5.13 | 79 | 55 |
| #2 | mafga | +2.93 | 75 | 74 |
| #3 | Ihre M4jestät | -0.56 | 30 | 59 |





