








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 475 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 203 matches | ||
| Wingman | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1709 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,688 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 890 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1405 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1123 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1270 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $509,958 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 924 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mossad Agent | 12 | 0.0128 |
| #2 | boofy | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Goober | 5 | 0.0071 |
| #4 | mark1y | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | femboy | 4 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boofy | 242 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | mark1y | 151 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | Goober | 83 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | The Dude | 42 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | femboy | 26 | 0.05 | 0 min |





