








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 550 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 542 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7591 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,019 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6370 | 25% |
| Smokes | 5264 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 8475 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 4910 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,542,400 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2598 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Ricky Spanish | 54% | 141 |
| #7 | Bubbles | 52% | 197 |
| #8 | Sir Ant | 50% | 34 |
| #9 | Swann1e | 50% | 470 |
| #10 | ✪ PorkieTheMajestic ✪ | 44% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swann1e | 28 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Bubbles | 12 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | TeaJay | 7 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | W✪LF⟴ | 5 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Ricky Spanish | 3 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swann1e | 1937 | 0.20 | 48 min |
| #2 | Bubbles | 637 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #3 | TeaJay | 391 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #4 | Ricky Spanish | 269 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #5 | W✪LF⟴ | 212 | 0.17 | 5 min |





