








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 74 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1285 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,232 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 959 | 30% |
| Smokes | 936 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 342 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 995 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $540,376 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaltyChu ︻芫=一 | 63% | 27 |
| #2 | Smortle | 51% | 53 |
| #3 | ManiacRat | 47% | 89 |
| #4 | Michael Penix | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | stimb | 44% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaltyChu ︻芫=一 | 63% | 27 |
| #2 | Smortle | 51% | 53 |
| #3 | ManiacRat | 47% | 89 |
| #4 | Michael Penix | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | stimb | 44% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smortle | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | stimb | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | ManiacRat | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Michael Penix | 1 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smortle | 324 | 0.29 | 9 min |
| #2 | ManiacRat | 264 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | stimb | 236 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #4 | SaltyChu ︻芫=一 | 19 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Michael Penix | 15 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ManiacRat | +1.21 | 57 | 51 |
| #2 | Smortle | +0.96 | 65 | 65 |
| #3 | kingstonqs | +0.05 | 50 | 44 |
| #4 | Michael Penix | -0.32 | 41 | 52 |
| #5 | stimb | -0.35 | 56 | 62 |





