








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1467 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 894 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




67 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11552 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,491 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6947 | 26% |
| Smokes | 7904 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 6365 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5275 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,044,327 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 583 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zombie | 61% | 49 |
| #2 | SUP3R | 59% | 105 |
| #3 | Sponsie | 57% | 288 |
| #4 | K8.BTW | 56% | 50 |
| #5 | ☣C≡N☣ | 55% | 414 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☣C≡N☣ | 945 | 0.11 | 27 min |
| #2 | Chillie Biltong | 848 | 0.10 | 23 min |
| #3 | Sponsie | 688 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #4 | K8.BTW | 296 | 0.27 | 7 min |
| #5 | SUP3R | 277 | 0.13 | 8 min |





