








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 965 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 318 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




100 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4985 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,194 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4685 | 33% |
| Smokes | 3581 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3249 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2679 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,320,207 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2943 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Make a Wish Kid | 53% | 53 |
| #2 | no boost? 7 | 49% | 233 |
| #3 | 777 | 49% | 171 |
| #4 | jason | 48% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Make a Wish Kid | 53% | 53 |
| #2 | no boost? 7 | 49% | 233 |
| #3 | 777 | 49% | 171 |
| #4 | jason | 48% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 777 | 46 | 0.0127 |
| #2 | no boost? 7 | 17 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Make a Wish Kid | 17 | 0.0154 |
| #4 | jason | 10 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | no boost? 7 | 637 | 0.13 | 16 min |
| #2 | jason | 275 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | 777 | 140 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | Make a Wish Kid | 21 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toribasher | +1.88 | 65 | 52 |
| #2 | 777 | +0.78 | 69 | 43 |
| #3 | jason | +0.14 | 54 | 48 |
| #4 | no boost? 7 | -0.41 | 53 | 59 |
| #5 | Make a Wish Kid | -2.49 | 33 | 25 |





