








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 895 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 269 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3102 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,305 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 492 | 8% |
| Smokes | 2344 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 1116 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2353 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,799,690 of utility $240 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 533 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _BIA_ J0K3R | 50% | 20 |
| #2 | Deutschbag | 44% | 120 |
| #3 | Sea Robin | 44% | 71 |
| #4 | FloppyFish | 42% | 43 |
| #5 | DinkleBerg | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Deutschbag | 44% | 120 |
| #3 | Sea Robin | 44% | 71 |
| #4 | FloppyFish | 42% | 43 |
| #5 | DinkleBerg | 37% | 19 |
| #6 | jimbo | 34% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jimbo | 23 | 0.0241 |
| #2 | DinkleBerg | 5 | 0.0127 |
| #3 | Sea Robin | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Deutschbag | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | FloppyFish | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deutschbag | 245 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | jimbo | 155 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | Sea Robin | 51 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | _BIA_ J0K3R | 43 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | DinkleBerg | 8 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _BIA_ J0K3R | +1.07 | 66 | 44 |
| #2 | Sea Robin | +0.72 | 63 | 49 |
| #3 | PFG | +0.53 | 57 | 33 |
| #4 | Deutschbag | -1.95 | 52 | 57 |
| #5 | jimbo | -2.44 | 47 | 35 |





