








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 573 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 963 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




124 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7118 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,565 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1454 | 8% |
| Smokes | 5595 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 6685 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 4831 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,817,171 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 613 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bar Down Dougie | 48% | 176 |
| #2 | Dxm Grandma | 47% | 70 |
| #3 | EVOXSTIG | 47% | 501 |
| #4 | Captain Daddy | 46% | 133 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bar Down Dougie | 48% | 176 |
| #2 | Dxm Grandma | 47% | 70 |
| #3 | EVOXSTIG | 47% | 501 |
| #4 | Captain Daddy | 46% | 133 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EVOXSTIG | 51 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Dxm Grandma | 40 | 0.0272 |
| #3 | Bar Down Dougie | 10 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Captain Daddy | 5 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EVOXSTIG | 421 | 0.04 | 9 min |
| #2 | Captain Daddy | 292 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | Bar Down Dougie | 134 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #4 | Dxm Grandma | 113 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Daddy | +2.09 | 65 | 55 |
| #2 | Dxm Grandma | +0.75 | 56 | 45 |
| #3 | bjornhausken | -0.23 | 20 | 29 |
| #4 | Bar Down Dougie | -0.69 | 19 | 44 |
| #5 | EVOXSTIG | -1.99 | 34 | 27 |





