








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 223 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 211 matches | ||
| Wingman | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3218 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,176 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 412 | 19% |
| Smokes | 577 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 725 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 462 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,211,775 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 246 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jocko Willink | 54% | 26 |
| #2 | dredd^^ no sh!tters | 53% | 55 |
| #3 | Larry Legendary | 52% | 33 |
| #4 | oonis | 37% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jocko Willink | 54% | 26 |
| #2 | dredd^^ no sh!tters | 53% | 55 |
| #3 | Larry Legendary | 52% | 33 |
| #4 | oonis | 37% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jocko Willink | 4 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | dredd^^ no sh!tters | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | oonis | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Larry Legendary | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oonis | 240 | 0.30 | 6 min |
| #2 | dredd^^ no sh!tters | 190 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | Larry Legendary | 63 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jocko Willink | 57 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Larry Legendary | +2.48 | 64 | 47 |
| #2 | dredd^^ no sh!tters | +2.07 | 86 | 56 |
| #3 | David Goggins | +1.02 | 88 | 29 |
| #4 | oonis | -0.61 | 69 | 64 |
| #5 | Jocko Willink | -2.92 | 59 | 57 |





