








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 89 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 60 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Esplay | 1 match | 1,767 | |
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
944 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,210 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 751 | 23% |
| Smokes | 931 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 673 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 855 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $295,997 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 109 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Alphaシ | 44% | 9 |
| #14 | Renegademan22 | 38% | 21 |
| #15 | Ag3nt_Emu | 33% | 9 |
| #16 | FR3NZI3D | 31% | 13 |
| #17 | Kr1lle | 13% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♥♥♥♥♥♥t0xic♥♥♥ | 99 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Im0ut | 67 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Renegademan22 | 61 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Fl4shB4ng<3 | 40 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #5 | Alphaシ | 33 | 0.14 | 1 min |





