








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
400 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 940 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 272 | 29% |
| Smokes | 280 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 216 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 172 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $146,589 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bread | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | sminem | 56% | 9 |
| #3 | lemon | 50% | 4 |
| #4 | chumlee | 50% | 4 |
| #5 | Dark Seal | 50% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yung bip | 4 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Troglodyte | 2 | 0.0105 |
| #3 | sminem | 2 | 0.0111 |
| #4 | bunch of snickers | 2 | 0.0131 |
| #5 | w i l l u r | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | w i l l u r | 43 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | yung bip | 30 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Slumpa lumpa | 27 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | bunch of snickers | 20 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #5 | Troglodyte | 18 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lemon | +6.24 | 69 | 60 |
| #2 | w i l l u r | +3.44 | 57 | 61 |
| #3 | bread | +2.49 | 54 | 51 |
| #4 | yung bip | +1.96 | 67 | 55 |
| #5 | Troglodyte | +1.06 | 62 | 68 |





