








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 858 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 307 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3903 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,674 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6917 | 47% |
| Smokes | 4189 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3030 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 538 | 4% |
Our logs show you have wasted $783,603 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 251 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | soy | 57% | 326 |
| #3 | Jokkebro | 56% | 392 |
| #4 | soy² | 56% | 27 |
| #5 | Teurastaja | 46% | 91 |
| #6 | Kuningas Rikhard | 37% | 38 |





