










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 185 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
994 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,474 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1040 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1115 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1337 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 982 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $954,261 of utility $216 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paulie Gualtieri | 37 | 0.0166 |
| #2 | gillibus | 14 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | sherman | 13 | 0.0099 |
| #4 | Burkin Gurkin | 11 | 0.0152 |
| #5 | ⊹ | 5 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paulie Gualtieri | 606 | 0.27 | 15 min |
| #2 | gillibus | 379 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #3 | sherman | 239 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #4 | ⊹ | 208 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | Luke Skywalker | 134 | 0.16 | 2 min |





