








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
658 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,414 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 917 | 38% |
| Smokes | 758 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 276 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 463 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $129,282 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Shaufew✪ | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | Sometimes Maybe Shit | 50% | 6 |
| #3 | dabigZ. | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | ♫ Milky | 41% | 17 |
| #5 | bluebutton | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | bluebutton | 36% | 11 |
| #6 | COOMER | 36% | 28 |
| #7 | Conway Twitty | 35% | 17 |
| #8 | Big Curry | 35% | 23 |
| #9 | Sm1thy | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Shaufew✪ | 3 | 0.0197 |
| #2 | ♫ Milky | 2 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Conway Twitty | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | dabigZ. | 1 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Curry | 52 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #2 | ✪Shaufew✪ | 44 | 0.29 | 1 min |
| #3 | COOMER | 37 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | bluebutton | 22 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Conway Twitty | 18 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♫ Milky | +4.69 | 81 | 60 |
| #2 | bluebutton | +1.57 | 58 | 58 |
| #3 | ✪Shaufew✪ | +0.84 | 79 | 47 |
| #4 | Rewind | -0.13 | 63 | 60 |
| #5 | Big Curry | -0.17 | 69 | 51 |





