








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 532 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 381 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




55 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4040 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,967 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3178 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4011 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2265 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3513 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,539,310 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 711 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clint | 42 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Jebediah | 29 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Chorlie | 14 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Bunta | 10 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | Apple | 9 | 0.0096 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clint | 559 | 0.10 | 16 min |
| #2 | Jebediah | 510 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #3 | Chorlie | 328 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | Bunta | 168 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | Apple | 152 | 0.16 | 3 min |





