








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 139 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1903 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,221 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 968 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1849 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 634 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 1770 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $567,431 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 46 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Lip7y | 49% | 72 |
| #5 | _Logical | 48% | 33 |
| #6 | Xephyrose | 43% | 23 |
| #7 | Kiwi444 | 40% | 15 |
| #8 | Perry the Platypus | 33% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | human | 19 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Lip7y | 11 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | _Logical | 6 | 0.0086 |
| #4 | aSav | 4 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | Xephyrose | 2 | 0.0041 |





