








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 905 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 122 matches | ||
| Faceit | 57 matches | ||
| Wingman | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 72 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3349 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,748 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1093 | 23% |
| Smokes | 314 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 1734 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 1607 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $136,032 of utility $23 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 638 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cuoslay | 66% | 50 |
| #2 | efurry | 60% | 43 |
| #3 | card | 60% | 88 |
| #4 | greed | 58% | 83 |
| #5 | fireinthehole1968 | 57% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | greed | 11 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | efurry | 8 | 0.0108 |
| #3 | fireinthehole1968 | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | card | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | lebron | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | card | 151 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | greed | 141 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | efurry | 128 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | cuoslay | 123 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | lebron | 66 | 0.05 | 2 min |





