








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 47 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 612 matches | ||
| Faceit | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7360 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,204 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5191 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2542 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 7003 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 6468 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,423,210 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3579 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RoPu | 60% | 43 |
| #2 | Optimus Zach | 54% | 263 |
| #3 | Guthrie | 53% | 152 |
| #4 | Jazzy | 51% | 248 |
| #5 | Limez :Z | 49% | 235 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guthrie | 1155 | 0.35 | 24 min |
| #2 | Jazzy | 823 | 0.15 | 25 min |
| #3 | Limez :Z | 579 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #4 | Optimus Zach | 533 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #5 | CharlesMcGee | 287 | 0.24 | 7 min |





