








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 446 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 372 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2886 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,744 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 184 | 7% |
| Smokes | 323 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 1822 | 66% |
| Molotovs | 415 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $436,078 of utility $43 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 128 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ozzybaby | 54% | 59 |
| #2 | ♿꧁•ᴮABaʙᴏʏツ꧂W | 53% | 43 |
| #3 | z!pppS! | 49% | 76 |
| #4 | Spanker | 39% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ozzybaby | 54% | 59 |
| #2 | ♿꧁•ᴮABaʙᴏʏツ꧂W | 53% | 43 |
| #3 | z!pppS! | 49% | 76 |
| #4 | Spanker | 39% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | z!pppS! | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | ozzybaby | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Spanker | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | ♿꧁•ᴮABaʙᴏʏツ꧂W | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ozzybaby | 257 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #2 | z!pppS! | 234 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | ♿꧁•ᴮABaʙᴏʏツ꧂W | 83 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Spanker | 26 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿꧁•ᴮABaʙᴏʏツ꧂W | +2.15 | 68 | 57 |
| #2 | Spanker | +1.86 | 55 | 50 |
| #3 | ozzybaby | +1.18 | 45 | 58 |
| #4 | This Guy Skagenröra | -0.08 | 52 | 18 |
| #5 | z!pppS! | -2.20 | 52 | 57 |





