








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 389 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 140 matches | ||
| Premier | 95 matches | ||
| Wingman | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3851 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,416 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1700 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2288 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2174 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2254 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,025,041 of utility $268 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 573 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sebastian | 67% | 24 |
| #2 | blood-_- | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | RozenGT | 59% | 22 |
| #4 | Petzski | 59% | 46 |
| #5 | Valca | 57% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nick | 7 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | 3•10⁸m/s | 6 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | K.ish ツ | 6 | 0.0091 |
| #4 | Valca | 5 | 0.0076 |
| #5 | Petzski | 3 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 3•10⁸m/s | 340 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #2 | nick | 333 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | K.ish ツ | 148 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #4 | blood-_- | 112 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Valca | 109 | 0.17 | 4 min |





