








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
764 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,940 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 998 | 25% |
| Smokes | 879 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1249 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 814 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $408,052 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bmw enjoyer | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | Rudolf Steiner | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | Deaf Rapper | 75% | 8 |
| #4 | Dick Cheney | 59% | 17 |
| #5 | scuba guy | 57% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Dick Cheney | 59% | 17 |
| #5 | scuba guy | 57% | 28 |
| #6 | assassin dog | 50% | 72 |
| #7 | Col. Erran Morad | 49% | 41 |
| #8 | Sasha | 39% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Col. Erran Morad | 5 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | Deaf Rapper | 4 | 0.0276 |
| #3 | assassin dog | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Sasha | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | scuba guy | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Col. Erran Morad | 84 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | scuba guy | 83 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | assassin dog | 68 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | bmw enjoyer | 45 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | Sasha | 43 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deaf Rapper | +5.65 | 58 | 66 |
| #2 | scuba guy | +5.52 | 82 | 67 |
| #3 | Col. Erran Morad | +5.12 | 82 | 68 |
| #4 | Dick Cheney | +3.25 | 82 | 64 |
| #5 | bmw enjoyer | +2.58 | 62 | 84 |





