










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1475 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 446 matches | ||
| Wingman | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 94 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7565 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,693 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5019 | 30% |
| Smokes | 4288 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4364 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3022 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,886,828 of utility $332 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2452 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle P. | 131 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | Zedred | 110 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | Fabriksbitchen | 57 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | selfhating | 43 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Escobars_sideh0e | 43 | 0.05 | 1 min |





