








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 316 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




162 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3220 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,781 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2379 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1612 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 3060 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2730 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $961,625 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 660 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | русские не могут | 88% | 26 |
| #2 | Epsteinscellmate | 63% | 24 |
| #3 | Catt3n | 54% | 101 |
| #4 | Its_Sarah | 52% | 191 |
| #5 | ITSSARAH062! | 45% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Catt3n | 54% | 101 |
| #4 | Its_Sarah | 52% | 191 |
| #5 | ITSSARAH062! | 45% | 135 |
| #6 | Nublo ⛟(choo choo) | 42% | 106 |
| #7 | horan du vet | 41% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nublo ⛟(choo choo) | 42 | 0.0197 |
| #2 | Its_Sarah | 35 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | ITSSARAH062! | 21 | 0.0080 |
| #4 | Catt3n | 10 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | horan du vet | 3 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Its_Sarah | 170 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #2 | Nublo ⛟(choo choo) | 123 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | русские не могут | 95 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | Epsteinscellmate | 36 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Catt3n | 20 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | русские не могут | +4.31 | 52 | 43 |
| #2 | HUST | +3.10 | 53 | 51 |
| #3 | Epsteinscellmate | +1.17 | 50 | 45 |
| #4 | Nublo ⛟(choo choo) | -0.00 | 40 | 35 |
| #5 | horan du vet | -0.23 | 29 | 25 |





