








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
940 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,613 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 347 | 22% |
| Smokes | 660 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 388 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 218 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $110,604 of utility $43 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Splitterous | 79% | 33 |
| #2 | Goonabomber | 75% | 12 |
| #3 | Coach McGuirk | 74% | 69 |
| #4 | palm beach pete | 73% | 22 |
| #5 | known knucklehead | 72% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | known knucklehead | 11 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | Coach McGuirk | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | CapBailey | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Flash | 2 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | Splitterous | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CapBailey | 181 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #2 | Coach McGuirk | 158 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Splitterous | 66 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Laura Vanderbooben | 42 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | palm beach pete | 35 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CapBailey | +3.63 | 72 | 40 |
| #2 | Coach McGuirk | +2.70 | 56 | 65 |
| #3 | Laura Vanderbooben | +1.88 | 52 | 68 |
| #4 | Splitterous | +1.66 | 58 | 51 |
| #5 | known knucklehead | +0.76 | 67 | 39 |





