








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 77 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 105 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1749 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,245 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 666 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1095 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1456 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1028 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $826,323 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 640 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ orlando | 69% | 13 |
| #2 | Kirill | 63% | 30 |
| #3 | cow from the film | 60% | 113 |
| #4 | 𝐂aucasian 𝐂urbstomper | 57% | 61 |
| #5 | Fat Bussy Goblin | 57% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | cow from the film | 60% | 113 |
| #4 | 𝐂aucasian 𝐂urbstomper | 57% | 61 |
| #5 | Fat Bussy Goblin | 57% | 103 |
| #6 | Not Not Dill | 53% | 36 |
| #7 | fo9nk | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fat Bussy Goblin | 23 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | cow from the film | 10 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | ✪ orlando | 9 | 0.0306 |
| #4 | Not Not Dill | 7 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | 𝐂aucasian 𝐂urbstomper | 6 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cow from the film | 510 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #2 | Fat Bussy Goblin | 388 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #3 | 𝐂aucasian 𝐂urbstomper | 197 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | Not Not Dill | 99 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Kirill | 91 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cow from the film | +2.71 | 82 | 67 |
| #2 | Not Not Dill | +2.15 | 78 | 77 |
| #3 | ✪ orlando | +0.97 | 81 | 63 |
| #4 | Fat Bussy Goblin | +0.77 | 72 | 62 |
| #5 | sandbag | +0.64 | 78 | 38 |





