








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
63 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 120 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 74 | 62% |
| Smokes | 20 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 9 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 17 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $49,387 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alexander The Ordinary ♿ | 30% | 20 |
| #2 | coomer | 25% | 8 |
| #3 | boofypunch |HM| | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alexander The Ordinary ♿ | 30% | 20 |
| #2 | coomer | 25% | 8 |
| #3 | boofypunch |HM| | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coomer | 3 | 0.0184 |
| #2 | Alexander The Ordinary ♿ | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | boofypunch |HM| | 1 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coomer | 31 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #2 | Alexander The Ordinary ♿ | 6 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #3 | boofypunch |HM| | 2 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coomer | +4.64 | 40 | 32 |
| #2 | Alexander The Ordinary ♿ | -2.61 | 5 | 27 |
| #3 | boofypunch |HM| | -2.93 | 11 | 10 |
| #4 | ClarkBroiled ♿ | -7.03 | 4 | 18 |





