








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 300 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3139 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,473 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2225 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2079 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 924 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1245 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,267,551 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 125 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | unshod | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | phat jack | 46% | 146 |
| #3 | ItsTheToneDog | 46% | 46 |
| #4 | Siyes | 44% | 152 |
| #5 | IsItLuke | 40% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | unshod | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | phat jack | 46% | 146 |
| #3 | ItsTheToneDog | 46% | 46 |
| #4 | Siyes | 44% | 152 |
| #5 | IsItLuke | 40% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Siyes | 9 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | phat jack | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | IsItLuke | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | ItsTheToneDog | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | unshod | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | phat jack | 371 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | Siyes | 306 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | ItsTheToneDog | 120 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | IsItLuke | 84 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | unshod | 34 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | unshod | +9.55 | 94 | 58 |
| #2 | IsItLuke | +0.53 | 59 | 37 |
| #3 | comfy. | -0.44 | 65 | 47 |
| #4 | Siyes | -1.14 | 52 | 44 |
| #5 | ItsTheToneDog | -1.52 | 51 | 56 |





