








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 625 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 281 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3715 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,554 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3929 | 29% |
| Smokes | 4020 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2692 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2913 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $998,802 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 103 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | thefakesjop_ | 55% | 97 |
| #4 | Kokkeli Vekkuli | 53% | 305 |
| #5 | therealsjop_ | 53% | 248 |
| #6 | Ketsix | 48% | 48 |
| #7 | henxiety | 43% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Savolaine | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | therealsjop_ | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Kokkeli Vekkuli | 6 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | thefakesjop_ | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | henxiety | 3 | 0.0014 |





