








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 844 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 732 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6127 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,143 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7423 | 30% |
| Smokes | 7169 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 5357 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 5194 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,650,328 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1522 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ᴇɢᴏɪꜱᴛ | 57% | 351 |
| #2 | yofuckwatafuck | 54% | 375 |
| #3 | 8282 | 54% | 116 |
| #4 | gg go next | 54% | 379 |
| #5 | Энэрэл Опозит | 52% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gg go next | 28 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | ᴇɢᴏɪꜱᴛ | 27 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | yofuckwatafuck | 22 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | cccccccccccccccc | 10 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | 8282 | 5 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yofuckwatafuck | 2219 | 0.28 | 58 min |
| #2 | gg go next | 1566 | 0.20 | 37 min |
| #3 | ᴇɢᴏɪꜱᴛ | 1018 | 0.14 | 24 min |
| #4 | cccccccccccccccc | 644 | 0.17 | 16 min |
| #5 | Энэрэл Опозит | 286 | 0.14 | 7 min |





