








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 717 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 406 matches | ||
| Premier | 179 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




179 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5619 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,907 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 666 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1194 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1210 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 837 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $362,099 of utility $27 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12464 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Naoki | 53% | 38 |
| #4 | ˗ˏˋ glorp🐾 𓍢ִˎˊ˗ | 49% | 65 |
| #5 | wyru | 45% | 42 |
| #6 | Neqtru >:3 | 35% | 83 |
| #7 | ⛟ | 34% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Neqtru >:3 | 34 | 0.0250 |
| #2 | ˗ˏˋ glorp🐾 𓍢ִˎˊ˗ | 28 | 0.0219 |
| #3 | wyru | 21 | 0.0254 |
| #4 | Naoki | 9 | 0.0119 |
| #5 | ⛟ | 7 | 0.0056 |





