








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 49 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 129 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2074 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,845 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2484 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2080 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1353 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1928 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $680,145 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cat | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | Carrot | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | Moose | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | rock | 48% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cat | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | Carrot | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | Moose | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | rock | 48% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rock | 10 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | cat | 3 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | Moose | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rock | 358 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #2 | Moose | 88 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | cat | 30 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #4 | Carrot | 5 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cat | +5.70 | 89 | 37 |
| #2 | rock | +1.93 | 79 | 64 |
| #3 | Moose | +0.48 | 82 | 63 |
| #4 | Kamala Harris | -0.50 | 76 | 56 |
| #5 | Carrot | -0.85 | 62 | 24 |





