








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 507 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 289 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4171 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,271 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4072 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3919 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3393 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3887 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $690,271 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 203 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | artorias | 63% | 64 |
| #6 | TENKUZZZ | 62% | 26 |
| #7 | Manyeo- | 56% | 127 |
| #8 | Don'd Dell Me Whad Do do1K!!! | 54% | 93 |
| #9 | time to shine | 47% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | artorias | 18 | 0.0137 |
| #2 | Manyeo- | 10 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | < blank > | 9 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | time to shine | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Don'd Dell Me Whad Do do1K!!! | 5 | 0.0026 |





