








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 88 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
605 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,510 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 528 | 21% |
| Smokes | 857 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 450 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 675 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $358,968 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Dragon7 | 38% | 50 |
| #9 | belfry | 38% | 37 |
| #10 | kyth | 22% | 9 |
| #11 | codoverplayer | 20% | 25 |
| #12 | storm | 18% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dragon7 | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | belfry | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | boopper ! | 2 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | codoverplayer | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Foundmyball | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dragon7 | 95 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | belfry | 89 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Foundmyball | 59 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #4 | boopper ! | 49 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | DaySixtyNine | 40 | 0.18 | 1 min |





