








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 60 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
533 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,876 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 337 | 18% |
| Smokes | 711 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 398 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 430 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $408,760 of utility $193 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emu | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | aamososamamasao | 65% | 20 |
| #3 | moose | 58% | 45 |
| #4 | Parkour-Jomppe™ | 57% | 51 |
| #5 | Shrike | 52% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shrike | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | moose | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | aamososamamasao | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shrike | 146 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | moose | 105 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | Parkour-Jomppe™ | 78 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Dick Forsberg | 39 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | aamososamamasao | 37 | 0.08 | 1 min |





