








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3387 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,993 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1763 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2419 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1347 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1464 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $717,033 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fluffy the vampire slayer | 60% | 62 |
| #2 | Ðarquesse | 48% | 25 |
| #3 | damon salvator | 47% | 88 |
| #4 | Whip Nae Nae | 41% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fluffy the vampire slayer | 60% | 62 |
| #2 | Ðarquesse | 48% | 25 |
| #3 | damon salvator | 47% | 88 |
| #4 | Whip Nae Nae | 41% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whip Nae Nae | 16 | 0.0230 |
| #2 | Ðarquesse | 14 | 0.0265 |
| #3 | fluffy the vampire slayer | 6 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | damon salvator | 4 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | damon salvator | 161 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | Whip Nae Nae | 37 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | fluffy the vampire slayer | 32 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Ðarquesse | 28 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eXtant | +3.32 | 82 | 58 |
| #2 | Whip Nae Nae | +1.89 | 59 | 26 |
| #3 | fluffy the vampire slayer | -1.49 | 24 | 25 |
| #4 | Ðarquesse | -2.93 | 45 | 19 |
| #5 | damon salvator | -4.36 | 36 | 31 |





