








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 219 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2044 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,645 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1731 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1753 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2005 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1156 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $632,700 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cenogryzek | 60% | 65 |
| #2 | Lunosad | 57% | 77 |
| #3 | Joseph z Tosta | 50% | 40 |
| #4 | John Paul II | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | Teku | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cenogryzek | 60% | 65 |
| #2 | Lunosad | 57% | 77 |
| #3 | Joseph z Tosta | 50% | 40 |
| #4 | John Paul II | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | Teku | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lunosad | 11 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | Cenogryzek | 11 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | John Paul II | 6 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | Joseph z Tosta | 5 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lunosad | 161 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #2 | Cenogryzek | 159 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | Joseph z Tosta | 145 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | John Paul II | 22 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Teku | 21 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teku | +2.07 | 72 | 34 |
| #2 | Cenogryzek | +0.85 | 64 | 47 |
| #3 | John Paul II | +0.14 | 62 | 31 |
| #4 | Joseph z Tosta | -0.18 | 54 | 54 |
| #5 | Very Big Future | -1.09 | 47 | 53 |





