








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 220 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2164 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,594 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1988 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2207 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1176 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1223 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $545,805 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deltèah | 65% | 34 |
| #2 | MeruOG | 55% | 29 |
| #3 | Uncle Jim | 49% | 191 |
| #4 | rittergeist | 45% | 31 |
| #5 | Cheese | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle Jim | 9 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | MeruOG | 4 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Deltèah | 2 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle Jim | 371 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | MeruOG | 92 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | Cheese | 75 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Deltèah | 60 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | rittergeist | 29 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MeruOG | +1.14 | 86 | 48 |
| #2 | Uncle Jim | +0.26 | 47 | 55 |
| #3 | Tyler | +0.13 | 74 | 58 |
| #4 | Cheese | -0.05 | 58 | 49 |
| #5 | Deltèah | -1.07 | 43 | 48 |





