








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 575 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 52 matches | ||
| Esplay | 31 matches | 1,659 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2008 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,268 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1359 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2015 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1490 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1404 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $626,499 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 767 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DwarfMaistro | 63% | 24 |
| #2 | frstbite ♡ | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | Korvachev74 | 55% | 192 |
| #4 | hopps0004 | OneDotSix | 54% | 57 |
| #5 | Cryss_ | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Korvachev74 | 18 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | hopps0004 | OneDotSix | 11 | 0.0098 |
| #3 | frstbite ♡ | 5 | 0.0192 |
| #4 | Cryss_ | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Korvachev74 | 398 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #2 | hopps0004 | OneDotSix | 102 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Cryss_ | 28 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | DwarfMaistro | 22 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | frstbite ♡ | 15 | 0.06 | 0 min |





