








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 503 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 40 matches | ||
| Esplay | 3 matches | 1,878 | |
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
986 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,244 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1124 | 35% |
| Smokes | 769 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 834 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 517 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $396,848 of utility $212 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 204 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Get_Anal | 39% | 77 |
| #2 | dindu nuffin | 28% | 32 |
| #3 | A5 Wagyu | 27% | 15 |
| #4 | SickeZz | 20% | 10 |
| #5 | Sous vide the meat | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Get_Anal | 39% | 77 |
| #2 | dindu nuffin | 28% | 32 |
| #3 | A5 Wagyu | 27% | 15 |
| #4 | SickeZz | 20% | 10 |
| #5 | Sous vide the meat | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A5 Wagyu | 15 | 0.0514 |
| #2 | Get_Anal | 13 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | Sous vide the meat | 6 | 0.0472 |
| #4 | dindu nuffin | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | SickeZz | 1 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Get_Anal | 244 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | A5 Wagyu | 75 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #3 | dindu nuffin | 72 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | SickeZz | 63 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #5 | Sous vide the meat | 29 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SickeZz | +3.68 | 87 | 69 |
| #2 | Get_Anal | +1.69 | 89 | 64 |
| #3 | Sous vide the meat | +1.27 | 54 | 66 |
| #4 | Parlic Gowder | +1.11 | 78 | 70 |
| #5 | A5 Wagyu | +0.47 | 39 | 73 |





