








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 554 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 596 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4023 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,922 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6045 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2470 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 9127 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 6280 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $302,037 of utility $21 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1013 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | πΏπ²πΆπ»π²πΏ | 23 | 0.0148 |
| #2 | Dengroth | 19 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Anthony Bourdain's Clit | 18 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | ZOG Machine | 18 | 0.0148 |
| #5 | xBBGx | 15 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dengroth | 493 | 0.06 | 11 min |
| #2 | Anthony Bourdain's Clit | 326 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | xBBGx | 194 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #4 | πΏπ²πΆπ»π²πΏ | 179 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Trale Lewouse 2008 | 143 | 0.15 | 4 min |





