








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
120 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 180 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 80 | 44% |
| Smokes | 34 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 14 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 52 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $65,550 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle Marvin | 56% | 9 |
| #2 | Josh | 38% | 8 |
| #3 | Ibuprofen™ | 27% | 22 |
| #4 | MURDEROUS INTENT 2 | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle Marvin | 56% | 9 |
| #2 | Josh | 38% | 8 |
| #3 | Ibuprofen™ | 27% | 22 |
| #4 | MURDEROUS INTENT 2 | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Josh | 2 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | Ibuprofen™ | 1 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Uncle Marvin | 1 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ibuprofen™ | 64 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #2 | Uncle Marvin | 34 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #3 | MURDEROUS INTENT 2 | 7 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | Josh | 1 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MURDEROUS INTENT 2 | +6.30 | 81 | 42 |
| #2 | Uncle Marvin | +3.40 | 42 | 46 |
| #3 | Josh | -0.33 | 24 | 14 |
| #4 | ayy5ivejayy | -2.96 | 18 | 21 |
| #5 | Ibuprofen™ | -3.71 | 21 | 43 |





