








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
365 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,236 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 267 | 22% |
| Smokes | 408 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 379 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 182 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $87,202 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SchokoSchlange<3 | 100% | 5 |
| #2 | Fridolin Ficksahne | 86% | 7 |
| #3 | .#TeArS is#kult^ | 70% | 10 |
| #4 | Janiaros | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | Snox | 61% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snox | 3 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | SCHNODDER | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Red John | 1 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | Fridolin Ficksahne | 1 | 0.0070 |
| #5 | Hadschin | 1 | 0.0085 |





